Dear Bop Bop,

This is an email I just sent to my grandfather in Hilton Head. Some parts, of personal meaning, have been edited. But I thought that it might be a good email to post as it goes into a little detail on some of the things I have been thinking about the danish vs. american school system. I think I would like to go into more depth on this topic if you with to discuss it, but... I will warn you. I lose passion in what I am talking about if I think it serves no purpose. :)

Hejsa Bop Bop!
"Hejsa" is a slang way to say hello in danish. Thank you for your email the other day. I really like getting emails from you. Did you have fun playing golf? How is your score? Kasper is dying to get out and play, but as of this evening, we have more snow. Big time bummer. I think it will melt tomorrow though, as most of our days are above freezing now. I am really ready for warm weather. The sun HAS been shining more and the temperature is creeping up, but it is nothing like what I am used to in South Carolina. I miss the sun touching my cheeks and making them warm, even though the temperature is low. That doesn't happen here and I'm sure you could tell me all about the earth's tilt and why the sun feels different here. I wish I could have some of your smarts in my brain. Just 1/4 of your smarts would satisfy me. I think if you'd put much more in me, I'd explode.... I don't know how you get and keep all of that information in your head!


The children are doing great. We talked to Samuel's preschool and to Joseph and Emma's school about moving him up a year so that he can attend kindergarten in the fall. They all agreed and he has been moved up to the older class in preschool. He is ecstatic. He is the youngest by over a year, but no longer does he cry when we drop him off at school. He wakes up in the morning and asks if it's a weekend or not. When we tell him that it is a week DAY he says, "YAY!!" So, this is a really good thing. He is adding two digit numbers now on paper. Smart kid. He must take after you. I can't believe my baby will be 5 next week. How the time flies!

Joseph and Emma have a special week at school this week. They are studying other countries. They have been divided (classes K-3) into separate groups and each group is focused on a different country. Joseph's group is studying Pakistan and Emma's group is studying the USA. They learn about history, scientists, culture, food, and the children that live there. I think it's a neat concept. They have been very excited about it and have SO much to talk about when they get home. I think it connects them to the rest of the world and gives them a bigger picture. At Lake Murray Elementary, a week like this would have consisted of one class period talking about it... but here it's an entire week of hands on! They do the experiments with their own hands and they get to play the games that the children in other countries play. And today, Joseph was going on and on about how they were in the kitchen making Pakistani food! Emma told us at dinner about making dream catchers just like the American Indians and what they believed them to do. It is so nice to hear them actually excited about school and learning. I have a feeling that you would fit right in with these teachers.... other than the discipline... :)

The discipline is less than extraordinary here. There is much that could be said about that. Emma and Joseph's teachers are, from what I can tell, really good at handling their classrooms.
I think a lot of the problems with discipline lie in the fact that parents try to be their children's best friends. They feel guilty that they work full time and want to make every moment enjoyable when they get home... forget adult time. Forget manners... just make it go smoothly... and that's what they think, so a "little rascal" is what they get. I mean, teach nothing, gain nothing... what do they expect?

That's happened in the states too... the parents are stretched beyond belief with desires to "beat the Joneses." I have seen it up close and personally as of late.

BACK TO DISCIPLINE! I really need to find a focus with these emails...
The children here are allowed to be just that... children. This has pros and cons. (Pros for Emma, cons for Joseph and Samuel) They are allowed to jump and wiggle and be silly. That is definitely not so in the states. Our sweet Emma got in a lot of trouble for things such as, "singing in the bathroom," and "singing her responses in class," even if they were right. Now, I'm not sure exactly how these things transpired, but I can absolutely guarantee you, she was not hurting anyone and she was not jumping off of, nor climbing the walls. Here, they are not allowed to hurt each other, but they are allowed to jump off of furniture and climb things. I find Emma, many a day, sitting on top of a table playing a game with a teacher. On top of a table? Yes.
They also are allowed to climb trees at recess (no worry of lawsuits here) and use their sleds at, what I would consider, crazy angles! They are allowed the time to wiggle and shake, jump and yell... many times a day. Not just one recess time, but two. Not just one free time, but three. So, the children learn at a slower rate here (not learning how to read until they are 7 or 8), but they are also completely prepared to sit still when the time comes to learn something real. Now, our 3 American children are not like that, well the boys for the most part... They started in the American school system and have learned how to read, write, and count according to "American" standards. I don't think there is anything wrong with that... as long as it fits the child. Samuel reads better than Emma. She doesn't care! and doesn't want to... she hates it. But here in Denmark, that's okay. She'll get to it when she has to. Now is just not the time. To her teachers, she is learning so much more! She is learning culture, language, social skills, and when it is time and she is ready, she will read.
In the states, we had already had a meeting, with her at 5 years... that she was not reading and had "behavioral problems." There was something wrong with her, is what they said. What exactly? They could not say. I think her only problem is desire. You cannot make someone desire something no matter what you say or do. It has to come from within. Here, the education systems allow time for that. Here, they allow for her to look at her peers and see what they are doing... "hmm, maybe I could do that too." She does not have a learning disability! She is not a problem child! She just develops at her own pace! The "No child left behind program," was maybe created, by God love him, George W. Bush, for an "Emma type" child, but it has become the bane of every teacher's existance and has become the hot iron in my poor Emma's side. She's not ADD. She is not impaired. She has no disorders. And by gosh, that does not mean she is stupid! She is not stupid! She is "American system deficiant." What can we do to improve our system? What can we say to the public that says, earlier is not necessarily better? What can we do to broaden the world view of American students? What can we do to stop the labeling of children with various disabilities just because they don't meet "standards?"
I am grateful for the Danish educational system for Emma's sake. I am also grateful for it for the boys' sake, in a lot of respects. They listen to the parent and that is why Joseph has stayed in the first grade (emotionally not ready for the next level, even though he is smart as heck!), and why Samuel was allowed to move up (emotinally and brain ready).

They also find the child's individual emotional health of great importance!

The first parent teacher conferance we had about Joseph focused mostly on his emotional well being. They made it clear that he did not make mistakes on classwork, homework, or tests. But they also had no fear in saying that he was lacking in other areas. That, because he was so smart and "with it" in the class room, he was distracted and therefore distracting other students while still giving the right answers in class. He was also having a very hard time fitting in with the boys in the class. In America, they are not allowed to "be boys." They are harnessed. In Denmark, they are allowed to fight and wrestle and "be boys." It was and is intimidating for our poor, little sweet Joseph. So, instead of only focusing on academic acheivement, like they do in the states, they focused on his emotional development. He was leaps and bounds ahead in smarts, but not so in the emotional realm. So, they focused on that and gave practical solutions. Brilliant!
Samuel has the best of both worlds... thank the good Lord! He is smart, incredibly good looking like you, and tough as nails. Lucky kid! So, with a little pushing from us, his needs are met too.
In America, that wouldn't happen. All 3 of my kids would NOT have their needs met, with their 3 very different needs and talents.
Maybe it was just South Carolina....
I believe, although I am not entirely sure that it is true, that the government has too much influence in the public school system. What do you think?
Tough question if you look at all of the various parts.
Wow! Sorry for the long-winded email!

Tommelfinger...

A Little Danish Melody...

Howdy!

It's been a while... okay, well a long while. :) And thanks to a few nudges on facebook, I am finally updating everyone. We have had, as most people have during the holidays, a busy season. We are home and settled in after an awesome visit to the states. We have had an amazing holiday season. I couldn't have asked for more, really. We chose to stay in Denmark for Christmas to learn the traditions and be with our Danish family. It was so much fun! The food, the dancing around the tree, the FAMILY. We could not be more blessed. The children had their first visit from Santa Claus (Jule Mand) who came to the door and knocked. Yup, he knocked. :) It has been a lot of fun!
Our trip to the states was hectic, but absolutely delightful. We chose to stay 2 nights each with different friends and family. We tried to make sure that quality time was involved with important people and also added group girl time, 3 runs with the running buddy, 3 runs on my own, a birthday party for Joseph, a New Year's Eve party and a trip down to Hilton Head. This made for a lot of good time to spend with friends, but it was also tough moving around out of our suitcases for 10 days. But, I think it was soooo worth it! We hit Chick-fil-A twice (not nearly enough), San Jose's, El Poblano (this was a funny night!), Rosso's, Panera, Little Caesars, some truly excellent home cooking, Cracker Barrel on the last day with my dad and Sandy, and the most important... Starbucks a whopping 9 times. Yes folks, I know it's sad... I love that place.

Joseph and Emma are still loving school and are doing very well there. We had parent-teacher conferences before the break and all of the teachers said wonderful things. :)
Not only is it awesome to hear Emma say that she loves school now, but it's also amazing to hear her teacher's praise her on how smart and sweet she is! I know she is bright, but it is in her own way. She is more artistic and social minded. She can sing and act like a Disney princess and she can sing and act like a diva as well. :) She is very creative in arts, using coloring and blending techniques that other children her age don't think to do. The books smarts stuff... she just doesn't care about that. And here in Denmark, that's okay! The way they teach kindergarten at this school goes along with the abilities of each child. They do things together, but also things seperately. Last year she got in trouble for not being able to sit still. Here, it's okay to have wiggles in your pants. They have 2 recesses and 2 playtimes during their 8am-1pm day. A much easier task for a little person. The danish school system sets Miss Emma up for success. A great way to start! I am so grateful for this opportunity for Emma to shine like she deserves to.

Joseph has found his 1st grade adjustment a little more challenging. At first he was interested because he was learning the language, but then he became a little bored. Here, they teach children how to read when they are 7. In the states a lot of places have children reading when they are 4 and 5. Joseph was one of those kids and he is an excellent reader. The teacher's only complaint about Joseph was that he didn't look like he was paying attention in class. It wasn't that he missed questions or assigments, but that he, by looking distracted, therefore distracted the other children. After brainstorming with the teachers and with him, we came up with solutions and now it is going better. He loves going to school so much that when we were getting off of the plane on Thursday, January 6th at 1pm after 16 hours of traveling, he asked to go to school. Ha!!! He has made many friends and they are very sweet. He and his girlfriend are "still together" and I think she is just the sweetest danish child I have met other than my nieces. This past Saturday we had a birthday party for him (his third!!!)and almost the whole class was here. It was complete and total insanity. I think the kids had a blast, but man, whew...

Samuel's experiences at børnehave have been up and down. We are evaluating now what the reasons are for this. The only concrete thing we have come up with for sure is that he is just a little mommy/far sick when we leave. He says he is bored some days, but the teachers say otherwise. SO, we are still in limbo as to what, if anything, we will do about pushing him ahead a year to kindergarten. He has a little "girlfriend" as well. Her name is Ida. We are supposed to go to her house tomorrow for some play time. :) Samuel is growing into such a little man. He wears suit vests or sweater vests, button down shirts and ties most days. Yes, even to school. He eats with a fork and a knife and, of the three children, is the neatest and tidiest at the table. He has the best manners too! It is amusing to watch him eat and quite often I get tickled by his adultness. Especially when it is followed by a miniature fit about something ridiculous. :) Today, he is home sick and we are snuggling on the couch. He is watching Enchanted while I finish writing this update.

So, for now. That's it! I am going to enjoy my sick day with Sam the man. Hugs to all!

This week's adventures...

Goddag! Hvordan går i dag? Det går godt med mig! :)
This past weekend we did a whole bunch of yard work on Saturday. It was MUCH needed. Our yard is much bigger than it seems when it is COVERED in leaves! We put the children to work picking up leaves, they succeeded in fussing at each other and poking each other with the rakes. So, eventually we split them up to do different things and they did prove to be helpful! :) Kasper and I moved some big rocks from the woods out to go between the bushes that separate the grassy area from the natural area. It helps divide the yard and now it looks more acceptable that the natural area looks so crazy. The rocks were quite heavy and most of them had to be rolled out. It was quite funny and it resulted in a lot of giggling and sore muscles!
Saturday night we had Jacob and Lykke over for dinner with their newest addition, Thomas. The children were very excited to meet him and it was so nice to get my baby fix. On Sunday, Joseph had the first meeting with his play group from school. He had a blast. We will be hosting in December.


On Wednesday, we got to go back to Tivoli for the beginning of Lysfest! We had more free passes from Kasper's work that included entry and free rides. Even though it was raining a bit, with a family of 5, you do not pass free tickets up! The lights were amazing! The kids got to ride as much as they wanted because the weather was a little less than desireable and people seemed to stay home because of that. But, it really wasn't so bad! We all had our winter clothes on that are also waterproof. It was just drizzling and then by 6:45 it had stopped. It just proved to me that it's not the weather that is bad or good, it's how you dress for the weather that's bad or good. The kids got to sit in Juleman's sleigh and tell him what they wished for for Jule. They all asked for a Nintendo DS, so Juleman reminded them not to get thumb joint pain from playing too much. :)

















There is just something about Tivoli that brings out the kid in me. I LOVE that place. It's the only amusement park I have been to that doesn't seem like a tourist trap. Its atmosphere, the lights, shops, and restaurants all have a cozy feel. They don't try to sell you one particular thing. It's not about some sort of character or fancy accessory that your kids just HAVE to have because everyone else has it. It's just about enjoying being together. I think it also has something to do with it being 20 minutes from my house and if we don't get to everything, there is always next time. Also, free tickets don't hurt. ;)

Family Update

Hello everyone! I hope you are all doing well. We are settling int the late fall days in DK now. The leaves are falling rapidly from the trees in all sorts of beautiful colors and the temperature is much colder than us South Carolinians are used to. Somehow, though, we have managed to acclimate our bodies to this temperature. It hasn't seemed as cold as we thought it would, nor has the weather been as bad as everyone here promised it would be. I have been told that the fall is cold and rainy. It has been cool for sure, but not terribly rainy. Perhaps we have just been lucky so far, but it has been a spectacular season!
As I said in my first posts, the light here is different than in SC. In the summer, it stays light from 3:30am until 11:30pm on the longest days. As we entered the fall season the light of the day shortened much more rapidly than it does in SC. On Sunday morning at 2am, we changed our clocks back to allow for morning light as you all will do next weekend (so for one week, we are only 5 hours apart!). So now, the sun will rise tomorrow at 7:18 and set at 4:28. It's bizarre! Pretty soon it will be that we are leaving for school in the dark and returning home in the dark as well. I understand why we have so many candles around here! This year it is interesting and cozy, but next year maybe I will have a different opinion.








We have done many fun and exciting things this fall. Recently, we have been to Tivoli for a night of Halloween fun. Kasper was given free tickets through a client for the opening night of the Halloween festivities. If you don't know what Tivoli is, you should definitely check it out. www.tivoli.dk They don't do anything half way. We will be going again at the end of the month for their Christmas/Jule fest.
The children had one week off from school for efterårsferie, which is fall break. It was originally called the katoffler ferie or potato holiday because the children were let off from school to dig up the crops. The children went to stay with Kasper's parents for 2 nights with their two cousins (yes, 5 children ages 2-8 with one set of grandparents!). They had so much fun and even got to go to the circus. While the children were having their fun, Kasper treated us to a night at a spa hotel where we enjoyed a really nice dinner at their gourmet restaurant, NFL football!, lots of sleep, an awesome breakfast, sauna and jacuzzi time, and finally a hike in the forest. SOOOO nice! We then had time for shopping and dinner out at a local restaurant in our little town. The 2nd night was spent snuggling and watching a movie on the couch. This was so nice to have time together! The children returned home happy and exhausted! A picture from our beautiful fall hike...


This past week has also been an exciting one. I started language school in September and have completed my introductory course. So, last Monday, we went from 3 hours of school per day to 6 hours Monday and Friday and 3 hours on Wednesday. My poor little brain feels like it will explode. But, it is going much better than I had expected and I am able now to actually speak some danish with Kasper. He actually understands me!
On Tuesday, my friend Lykke had her baby boy. I was with her during her labor, which I feel so priviledged to have been a part of. You all know how passionate I am about doulaing. It is something I love to do and crave to do. And now, my appetite has been wetted once again. So, I hope to do this again very soon.


Last Friday, Joseph and Emma each had friends home from school. Joseph had Silja (his girlfriend!) and Emma had Leva. Samuel's friend was, unfortunately unable to make it. We had lots of halloween fun. The children immediately put on costumes and had a dance party around the house, enjoying candy corn, deviled eggs and Doritos potato chips. The chips were American flavored. Hmm, did you know that we taste like cool ranch? We carved pumpkins together and sent them home with our guests. Then we roasted pumpkin seeds. While the seeds were cooking, the children made halloween crafts with die-cuts that my mother had made and sent to us. So, many cute photos!( i Will post them soon for sure!) We had polsa (really good hot dogs), homefries, and cut veggies with dip. Our dinner was lit by candles, our jack-o-lanterns and glowsticks. Det var meget hyggeligt!
Their friends were sent off with pumpkins, trick-or-treating candy that was given from Kasper at our bedroom door. :) and smiles on their faces! It was very nice.